HO HO NOPE: The Ultimate Dysfunctional Holiday Survival Manual

HO HO NOPE: A Dysfunctional Holiday Guide (26 Pages of Festive Chaos)

Welcome to the only holiday guide bold enough to say what the rest of us are silently screaming into the void. This is your chaotic, comforting, foul-mouthed companion for surviving December without dissolving into tinsel-covered tears.

Inside this 26-page digital manual, you’ll get:

🎄 The Holiday Lawbook (Vol. 1–4)
Rules, boundaries, and questionable wisdom for the brave souls trying to “keep it together.” Spoiler: you don’t have to.

🍷 Break-Glass-In-Case-of-Relatives Sangria Recipe
A dangerously effective coping beverage featuring wine, regret, and berries you definitely bought for vibes.

🔥 Crisis Management for Festive Disasters
Leaning tree? Drunk uncle? Guests showing up early?
We have responses that range from “emotionally stable adult” to “just lie confidently.”

💀 Dysfunctional Affirmations
Positive(ish) reminders that you’re doing fine.
Everything else? Not your problem this season.

🧩 Holiday Bingo (Festive Edition)
A bingo card of holiday chaos — the only game where family drama counts as a win.

✨ ’Twas the Night Before Chaos
A feral retelling of the classic poem for families held together by tape, caffeine, and inappropriate coping mechanisms.

💋 Plus: Quick encouragement pages, resets, neon-chaotic backgrounds, and a dysfunctional Christmas aesthetic that makes you feel seen.

Who This Guide Is For

• Burnt-out parents
• Holiday avoiders
• People doing their best… which isn’t much
• Anyone who treats Christmas like a gladiator sport

If December feels like a personal attack, this guide is your survival kit.

📥 Instant digital download (PDF)
📱 Use it on your phone, tablet, or print it out and hide behind it at family gatherings.